How I helped my wife recover
"All our family members including my son, daughter-in-law, daughter, son-in-law and grandchildren treat my wife really well. They did not abandon or keep away from her because she was ill. Instead, they were more considerate of her" ~ Husband
A story of love and dedication from a man for his wife's recovery from an experience of mental illness
"I immigrated to New Zealand over 10 years ago and am now in my senior years. My wife was diagnosed with a mental illness a few years ago, but recovered after seeing a doctor, and with the kind support of many people.
Like many of our generation, my wife and I met through the recommendation of others - in effect we had an arranged marriage. Our experience may not be understood by the younger generation - but in our country it was just the way things were done back then.
Due to the difference in our personalities, and also the twists and turns of life and political movements, we have come through quite a lot of tough times together.
However, we can still proudly say that we have met our commitments to each other in our marriage.
Temper outbursts cause concern
About seven or eight years ago, my wife's temper suddenly erupted. She tried to pick on my shortcomings every day, even giving a hard time to our children and grandchildren.
At the beginning, we did not really mind her behaviour. However, her temper just got worse. For instance, her memory was not good, and she denied what she had said. Sometimes she could continuously chatter on about small things. Our children and I felt really distressed, but we never thought about anything related to mental illness.
One day, my daughter took my wife to visit her GP; my wife mentioned her insomnia and chest pain, and my daughter raised my wife's emotional changes. The GP strongly suggested we take her to see a psychiatrist, but my wife was really reluctant to accept his advice and thought that the GP looked down on her.
Fortunately, we were on quite friendly terms with the doctor and this helped her to accept the GP's suggestion - my efforts to convince her also helped - and she finally went to see a psychiatrist with us."
GP and family help was critical
"My wife was diagnosed with a mental illness, which we could not believe. However, the doctor said the illness was not that devastating, and she would have a good outcome if we treated it at an early stage. The doctor emphasized the importance of treatment and rehabilitation, and suggested we give more care to my wife.
All our family members including my son, daughter-in-law, daughter, son-in-law and grandchildren treat my wife really well. They did not abandon or keep away from her because she was ill. Instead, they were more considerate of her.
For example, when my grand-daughter came to visit, she always used to argue with my wife about watching TV programmes, but now she listens to her grandmother and doesn't argue.
My elder grandson often tries his best to find some video tapes and DVDs that my wife enjoys. And my daughter-in-law gives her more care when she needs it.
I believe that my daughter-in-law may have suffered some grievance with my wife, but she never complains about her. I really appreciate my daughter-in-law for making such commitments."
No one can take her place
"Our children look after us very well, but I believe no one can take the place of my wife in my life. Children have their own things to deal with, so they find it hard to give us a lot of time, and the generation gap makes it hard for them to understand our thoughts.
I could not leave my wife alone. My wife and I have experienced so many moments together, I should give her more love and care when she is in difficulty.
My wife used to be a very open-minded, outgoing person - quite the opposite from me - but her illness made her very introverted and she didn't want to make contact with others.
So, in order to help her recover, I made a huge effort to change, and become more outgoing myself so she would too.
I tried to find any excuse, such as grocery shopping, to encourage my wife to walk out of the door. Sometimes, I would even invite her to accompany me to participate in some Chinese community activities, walking and so forth.
Initially, it was really difficult to do, but her attitude slowly changed, from refusing and reluctant to happily accepting!
At present, outdoor activities have become our shared habit, my wife and I have both become more outgoing."
Memory loss is part of the illness
"Another story I can share about my wife, concerns her memory loss and suspiciousness. At the beginning, I felt really angry with her but, later on, I realised that these annoying behaviours were caused by her illness and were out of her control. She didn't want to be like this.
I worked out a way to cope with the problem, too. We would talk about things we did, and then we each recorded what we had said and did in a book.
Over time, by reading the notes and comparing them, she started to recognise her memory loss and other problems. This had two positive outcomes - it really helped improve her self-awareness of her condition, and she started to treat me better"
Recovery is possible
"Nowadays, my wife's condition is stable, and she has recovered.
I admit that it is a painful thing when any family member suffers from mental illness; it impacts on the entire family. Yet family members are my wife's most important support. She might have found it very difficult, if not impossible, to stand again without our family's care.
I believe it is God's intention for families to support each other in difficulties. I personally feel we should adopt the following steps when one of our family members suffers illness:
First, have faith that mental illness is curable.
Second, accept your family member's illness and look after them. After you do, you will discover how to solve the problems. With faith, love and ways to assist, your loved one can recover.
All the words in this story come from the bottom of my heart - I sincerely hope they help other families of people who experience mental illness."
