Recovery starts from confidence and action

 

"Mental illness is not horrible at all; once you admit your suffering, build up your confidence in recovery, set up a practical plan, act on it, then you can recover!" Mechanic

A story of the power of practical thinking, persistence, bravery and success

"I am a person who has experience of mental illness. Like many Chinese people here, I am also an immigrant.

At the time my wife and I immigrated to New Zealand, in 2002, we had lots of great dreams about our new life. I initially thought it would be very easy: I would speak fluent English in a very short time and become used to life here. I also imagined that if I could not find a job in the fist instance, I would start studying, so that I could find a proper job after obtaining some local qualifications.

However, real life disappointed me very much. For instance, I had learnt some English language in my original country, but it mainly focused on writing and reading, so that my conversational English was still very poor two years after I arrived.

As a result of this language barrier, I could not start studying, and had difficulty trying to find a job that suited me. I had to stay at home and sit around all the time. Apart from my wife, there was no one I could find to talk to.

When I walked out the door, all I could say to foreign people was "hello" and nothing else. I knew no one and nothing at all.

I made an effort to change the situation, but ended up with lots of failures. Although I experienced lots of frustration, over this, I was not beaten down. However, after many failures, I became downcast and regretful thoughts began to crop up.

I started to notice some changes in me: I was absentminded, negative, lazy and not wanting to do any work or talk to anyone. Then I became very sentimental. After going through quite a tough time, I was diagnosed as having a mental illness.

The journey that took me on has been eye-opening and after seeking help and adjusting my attitudes, I am pleased to report I am completely recovered and have a great job.

So, to those who have had the same or have similar experiences as I have, I say: it is not a big deal to suffer mental illness, there is hope for recovery especially with persistence and faith. I will tell you what I did:

I admitted I was ill

I reckon it's very important in recovery to first admit your condition.

I don't know why I denied it at the time. When others pointed out my illness, I felt they were intentionally insulting me and trying to keep me down.

Later on, when my situation improved a bit, I realised I differed from others, but still I was not willing, or not brave enough, to admit the fact.

That's because I thought mental illness was too horrible; it was too incredible for me to suffer from mental illness. Because I denied my illness, I refused to take medicine, and refused other people's help.

However, I started to take medicine with my wife's support and encouragement, and realised I was ill after my condition was stable.

I chose to recover

However, I still needed to face two options after I admitted my illness. One was, I could abandon myself, and fall into a deep end, the other was to needed to face my condition positively, not to lower my head to it, but strive for recovery.

There is no doubt I chose the second option, though it was not easy at all! How could a healthy person suddenly suffering from mental illness avoid feeling depressed?

My wife, again, helped me at the right time by encouraging me with other people's recovery stories. With her inspiration and direction, I also found many success stories.

I built up my confidence, and started to believe I could overcome the illness. I thought: there are many people suffering from serious mental illness, but most of them have covered; why shouldn't I as well?

After admitting my condition and getting some confidence back, I started to take advice from a social worker. I made effort to change myself.

I did three things:

First, I followed doctor's instructions strictly and took medication on time. I tried my best to have a regular life, setting up daily and weekly routines, and made myself follow them. I made some life goals, and wasn't bored any more. I pushed myself to eliminate my bad habits. I was used to sleeping in and waking up very late in the morning. I even forced myself to do some physical exercise even if I didn't feel like it. My physical health improved, so did my emotions.

The second thing I did was walk out the door and participate in community activities and make friends. I would try my best to involve myself in any Chinese community activity. I also participated in church functions, and became a very enthusiastic volunteer.

I took the bus, or sometimes walked, to activity venues before I learnt to drive. When I could drive, I attended more things more often.

Now I have built up my social network; my friends fill up my life better with their phone calls and visits.

The third thing I did was adjust my attitude. I needed to learn self acceptance. For example, I didn't get my driver's licence until nearly three years after I arrived in New Zealand, after a few attempts. This really affected my emotional wellbeing. However, I realised that everyone is different! I accepted it was okay to take longer, and having my license now has given me a great sense of achievement.

I stayed in the present

I did not only learn to accept myself, but also learnt to accept reality. I had to concentrate on my present situation, not immerse myself in the past.

I had really regretted my decision to immigrate because I could not find a suitable job for quite a long time. I made constant comparisons between present and past. However, I finally convinced myself it was better not to regret too much, as everything has pros and cons, nothing is perfect. No matter in which country, there were chances for success.

Unfortunately, my mechanical qualification was not recognised in New Zealand. But I, initially, insisted on finding a job to match my professional training, and always ran into a brick wall. So, I had to change my thoughts, and do whatever was available. I had tried many jobs including in a laundry, bakery, flour factory, etc, and finally chose to work in an automotive garage. Garage duties do not perfectly match my skills, but do relate to my previous speciality. I really like this job.

So now I have recovered. I have gone through the recovery process step by step. A thing I want to tell others with experience of mental illness is: if I can do it, you can do it too!

Mental illness is not horrible at all, once you admit your suffering, build up your confidence in recovery, set up a practical plan, act on it, then you can recover."